Our First Year
by Cress
Summary: Joey:Chandler slash. Sequel to 'Something To Talk About'.
1. Too Much Sugar

[In my previous story, "Something to Talk About," Joey and Chandler became lovers during episode 221, TOW The Bullies. Then all their friends, led by Monica, discovered their secret.  
  
This sequel explores a year of Joey and Chandler's continuing relationship, as well as some of what happens to their friends. Remember, Ross and Rachel are still dating at this time, and so are Monica and Richard (for now, anyway). I'll handle the return of Janice, and other events, differently than the TV show.]  
  
  
  
  
  
For Rachel's birthday, the gang had to split her party in two because her divorcing parents couldn't get along. The deception worked, but Rachel couldn't really enjoy either party because she had to listen to her parents bitching about each other. Being familiar with the trauma of divorcing parents, Chandler comforted her for a bit, before turning the job over to Ross.  
  
Just as Mrs. Green was leaving that night, Joey wound up kissing her to keep her from seeing Mr. Green leave the other party.  
  
"Wow! That was some kiss." Chandler sounded rather annoyed.  
  
"It was the only distraction I could think of!" Joey responded. "You're not jealous, are you?"  
  
He shrugged coolly. "Maybe I just want to be sure you're not gonna kiss *my* mom, like Ross did."  
  
"Of course not! Come on," he pulled Chandler closer, "how about I give you a kiss that blows that one away?"  
  
"Make it a whole night, and you've got yourself a deal."  
  
Joey nodded and pulled Chandler into their apartment.  
  
***  
  
The next week, Phoebe announced excitedly that her Navy submarine guy Ryan was coming to visit for two weeks instead of his usual three days. However, that good news was soon overshadowed by Ross's bad news, that his son Ben had the chicken pox. Of the gang, only Phoebe had never had chicken pox before.  
  
As soon as Phoebe's symptoms started, everyone urged her to go home and get into bed, but Phoebe said that her grandmother also never had the chicken pox either, so Monica and Rachel offered to let her stay at their apartment until she recovered.  
  
Later, while Monica was taking care of Phoebe, Joey came in.  
  
"Hi," Monica smiled. "So how'd the audition go?"  
  
"Awful!" He plopped down on the couch next to Phoebe. "I really needed that part, too. I mean, when Chandler was paying all my bills before, it was nice, but now it feels like he's my sugar daddy or something."  
  
Monica giggled. "Like father, like son."  
  
Phoebe added, "Yep, those rich Bings always spoil their cute houseboys!"  
  
"Ha, ha!" he answered sarcastically. "But seriously, I got to find some kind of job, even just to hold me over. You two got any ideas?"  
  
"Why don't you ask Chandler to get you one of those entry-level processor jobs at his company? That's what he offered me before I got the diner job." She frowned. "And sometimes I wish I'd taken it."  
  
"Nah, we already discussed that, and it wouldn't work. I, uh, I kinda already made a lasting impression there a couple of weeks ago."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
He cleared his throat and averted his eyes. "Well, I kinda met Chandler for lunch and we, um, we had sex in his office."  
  
"Ooh!" Monica smiled wickedly.  
  
"I guess we don't need to ask how your sex life's going." But after a pause, Phoebe leaned confidentially nearer. "So how *is* your sex life going?"  
  
"Phoebe!" Monica scolded.  
  
"Come on, it's a big step changing teams and all. Anything you want to discuss with your friends, huh?"  
  
Monica couldn't help looking curious too.  
  
Joey blushed. "Nah, I'm okay."  
  
Phoebe shrugged. "All right, but you know what they say--gay men and straight girls make great friends. We can bitch about guys together."  
  
"She's got a point there."  
  
He shrugged. "Well, I've only been with the one guy, so I don't have anything to bitch about."  
  
"Really, with Chandler? I mean, what about his sarcastic jokes all the time? Oh, and does he actually, like, tease you about being a houseboy?"  
  
"No, no," Joey shook his head. "No, Chandler's great."  
  
"Lucky dog, you!"  
  
Joey was surprised by Phoebe's bitter tone. "What about your submarine guy Ryan?"  
  
"Are you kidding? When he sees me sick like this, it's gonna totally ruin our two weeks together."  
  
Monica hugged her. "Don't worry, Pheebs. Rachel and I will make you up all pretty and everything."  
  
"Okay," but Phoebe remained depressed about being the only single person left among the six friends.  
  
Joey hugged her too, then got up to leave. "Good luck with Ryan."  
  
He auditioned for more parts, but still had no success. It was depressing being unemployed again, especially after having been Dr. Drake Ramoray on *Days of Our Lives*.  
  
Chandler comforted him afterward, and when words weren't enough, he readily offered to get physical. While they were in bed, Joey commented, "That's what I like about you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Having sex with a guy--if you don't feel like foreplay, nobody complains about it."  
  
Chandler laughed, and they got down to business.  
  
As for Phoebe, it turned out that Ryan also never had chicken pox. He wasn't willing to avoid her, though, so he and Phoebe suffered the disease together. It was romantic, but incredibly itchy. 


	2. The Things We Do for Love

Finally Joey got a part in a movie directed by Warren Beatty. The character had to kiss a guy, and Joey proved to be the most convincing actor when it came to the kiss.  
  
"Wow," Monica smirked, "being with Chandler is really paying off!"  
  
Chandler mused, "All those years I helped you rehearse lines, and *this* is what gets you your break?"  
  
Joey nodded and kissed him. "We should've thought of it sooner, huh?"  
  
Chandler accompanied Joey to the movie set and met Warren Beatty. But when he met the attractive actor that Joey had to kiss, Chandler suddenly got jealous and insecure. Was it just his imagination, or was the kiss between them a little too good? Was Joey possibly getting bored of Chandler and thinking about moving on?  
  
Then after they finished filming the scene, Joey inadvertently gave Chandler the wrong impression when he tried to get his co-star's phone number.  
  
Chandler couldn't take it, and finally demanded to know whether he and Joey were in an exclusive relationship or not.  
  
"What? Of course we are. Wait, you thought I was coming on to him? No! He's straight. I was just getting his phone number for Phoebe."  
  
"Phoebe?"  
  
"Yeah, so she'll cheer up about Ryan leaving. And it wouldn't matter if he *was* gay. I'm with you, you know."  
  
Chandler felt relieved and much calmer now. "I'm--I'm sorry, Joe. I should've trusted you. I just, um..."  
  
"It's okay." Joey hugged him and kissed him. "Listen, Chandler, I know I went through a lot of women pretty fast--"  
  
"*Pretty* fast?"  
  
"Okay, faster than most women reject you. But I'm not gonna be that way with guys too. I've got you now, and I really like you."  
  
Chandler smiled back shyly. "Really?"  
  
"Yeah, and I don't want to spoil what we've got now. And you know," he hugged Chandler closer, "since I'm making money again, I can buy you more presents, like the leather chairs, the big TV, and the bracelet."  
  
Chandler winced at the memory of the tacky gold bracelet that Joey had bought him, when they were still just friends. He had even been forced to buy a second bracelet when he lost the first one, then Gunther found the missing original. It took Chandler forever to talk Joey into not wearing the matching jewelry everywhere.  
  
"Um, no more bracelets, okay? Let's make the bracelets we already have more special."  
  
"Okay," Joey kissed him happily. "Hey, maybe we should start wearing them again?"  
  
Chandler laughed nervously and sighed. "Um, okay." This was the price of being with Joey, it seemed, and perhaps the bracelets would prove to be effective man-repellent, as well as woman-repellent.  
  
***  
  
Meanwhile, Monica and Richard broke up because she wanted to have babies someday, but he didn't. She remained upset and sleepless about the breakup for weeks.  
  
After the Warren Beatty movie, Joey was back to looking for work again. At least he had something respectable to add to his resume, after that whole disaster when he was cast as Al Pacino's butt double.  
  
Having nothing better to do at home, Joey started using Chandler's laptop to find porn on the internet. Chandler got mad when he found out. "Hey, I told you not to touch my computer! And for this? What, do I not satisfy you enough?"  
  
"No!" Joey explained that he was just trying to make up for the fact that he and Chandler were both inexperienced when it came to gay sex. "I thought, you know, I should make sure we were doing everything we could be doing."  
  
"You swear that's it?"  
  
"Yeah! Look at this." He pointed out a particularly adventurous picture.  
  
"Ooh," Chandler was both shocked and intrigued.  
  
Joey smiled and showed him more stuff. "See anything you'd like to try?"  
  
Chandler was too embarrassed to answer, so Joey pulled him closer and gently rubbed his back. "It's okay," he whispered. "You wanna hear what I like?"  
  
Chandler nodded, and listened to Joey's sexy voice describing various things from the porn, and his own fertile imagination. Chandler wasn't sure about everything he heard, but he finally spoke up and described some of his own sexual fantasies, with and without women. The dirty talk made them hot, and they rushed into Chandler's bedroom with new inspiration.  
  
Joey certainly had a talent for loosening inhibitions. 


	3. Coupling

Joey and Chandler continued to be playful and carefree, indulging in pretend fights and many quickies on the night of Ross's museum benefit. At least none of their friends were ready for the event, either.  
  
During another night of experimentation, Joey's arm got dislocated in a sex injury, and they had an embarrassing time at the hospital. Since their relationship was still a secret to their families, Joey explained his sling to his family by saying that he had been jumping on his bed and fallen off. Fortunately, this sounded perfectly plausible to the Tribbiani clan.  
  
To get over Richard, Monica devised a plan to make and sell jam, much to Joey's delight.  
  
"Remember when you were a kid and your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?"  
  
Joey ate tons of jam and crackers, and Phoebe started dating Ursula's stalker Malcolm, which no one thought was a good idea.  
  
While hanging out alone, Chandler and Ross let off some steam about their respective relationships.  
  
Joey is lovable and hot, but "He eats like five times a day. And his taste in jewelry, ugh!" Chandler pointed out the bracelet on his wrist.  
  
Ross complained that Rachel often asked if she looked fat and always wanted to cuddle at night.  
  
"Oh yeah, I remember that stuff! I gotta say, I don't miss women at all."  
  
"Really?" Ross asked skeptically.  
  
Chandler shrugged and admitted, "Well, a little. But you know, that thing me and Joey were doing the other night..." He saw the look on Ross's face. "Sharing too much, huh?"  
  
Ross nodded.  
  
After the jam project fizzled, Monica decided that she wanted to have a baby through artificial insemination, so she went to a sperm bank and discovered Joey among the donors. Apparently he had donated after completing the sex study at NYU.  
  
Monica eventually changed her mind because she still wanted to find her soul mate. Once Phoebe broke up with Malcolm, she and Monica were able to console each other about being single.  
  
***  
  
Then Joey appeared in the Milk Master 2000 infomercial, and hated being teased about it by everybody.  
  
Chandler hugged him and apologized, "Come on, I'll make it up to you." He smiled wickedly, "You can be Kevin tonight, and I'll..."  
  
Ross cleared his throat warningly. "Other people still in the room."  
  
Chandler stuck his tongue out at him.  
  
Joey sighed and looked at his watch. "Mon, can I use the phone in your room? I gotta call Estelle and see if she got me anything better than this."  
  
"Sure, Joey. Good luck."  
  
"Thanks." He kissed Chandler, then got up and went into Monica's bedroom.  
  
Monica asked Chandler, "So, Joey's gonna be Kevin, and you'll what?"  
  
"Monica!" Ross became uncomfortable again.  
  
"Come on! I have to sleep in the next room when you're going at it with Rachel. Can't I be curious about a couple that holds no ick factor for me?"  
  
Phoebe giggled.  
  
Just then, Joey came out of Monica's room, looking angry. "Chandler!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?!"  
  
Chandler looked confused. "What? That wasn't me."  
  
Phoebe pointed accusingly, "Yes, it was! It was him! Uh-huh!" Everyone stared at her, and she reluctantly admitted, "Okay, it was me!"  
  
Phoebe explained that she had been playing hide and seek with Chandler, and took down the message while in a panic to find somewhere to hide. "I meant to tell you, I did, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See?"  
  
Joey saw the note on her hand, but remained bummed about his lost audition.  
  
To make amends, Phoebe called up the casting director to get Joey a second chance. He never thought it would work, but Phoebe successfully pretended to be his agent and got him another audition. Joey hugged her happily.  
  
After going to that audition, and getting the part, Joey was certainly in a good mood that night. However, he inadvertently freaked Chandler out about their relationship by asking to move into Chandler's room.  
  
"I always sleep here anyway, don't I?"  
  
"Uh, yeah," he answered nervously. "But, you know, your room is just one wall away. It's not like another apartment or something."  
  
"Yeah," Joey shrugged. "I guess I just don't like leaving your bed unless necessary." He kissed Chandler warmly.  
  
***  
  
The next day, while Joey was busy with more auditions that Phoebe got for him, Chandler hung out with the others and was noticeably jittery.  
  
He explained to them what had happened. "It's like all of the sudden, we were this couple, and this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'"  
  
Rachel scoffed with disgust. "You are unbelievable!"  
  
Monica agreed. "What is with you, Chandler! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away?"  
  
"I know, I know, but what am I supposed to do? He's gonna come home, and I'm gonna say something stupid. Help me, please!"  
  
"Well, what did you tell him last night?"  
  
"I, uh, I said I'd think about it, and see if I could find any room in my dresser or my closet. Then I distracted him with, you know, other stuff."  
  
Monica and Rachel advised him about going through the tunnel of commitment and facing his fears. Ross, meanwhile, obsessed about Ben playing with a Barbie doll.  
  
That evening Chandler told Joey to go ahead and move into his bedroom. "And, and, here's a drawer in my dresser that I cleared out just for you."  
  
Joey smiled. "Ah, that's great!"  
  
"Yeah, so you can put your stuff in there, and not go back and forth anymore."  
  
Joey kissed him happily.  
  
"And, ah, that's not all. We should take a trip."  
  
"We should?"  
  
"Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, and, we should tell your parents about us. We should take a trip with your parents!"  
  
"What? Chandler, are you okay?"  
  
"I am, I am. I mean, I could even say, uh, let's get a joint bank account."  
  
Joey knew him better than that, though. "Chandler, come on. Was it too soon? I asked you too soon, didn't I? I'm sorry, I thought these past couple of months would be enough time, but I guess I was wrong. It's okay, we don't have to do this now."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, really. I don't want to scare you, Chandler. Look, just chalk it up to me being new to this. I've never gone out with anybody longer than two weeks."  
  
"Yeah, that's right," Chandler nodded with realization. He hugged Joey and finally calmed down. "I mean, I'm crazy about you. I just, I just..."  
  
Joey kissed him. "I know." 


	4. My Boyfriend

After Joey's arm had healed, Chandler came home from work to find Joey building an entertainment center. He soon noticed the jeans that Joey wore. "My word! Those are snug."  
  
Joey turned around. "Oh yeah. These are my old work pants, Sergio Valenti."  
  
Chandler came nearer, getting turned on. "So, um, do you wanna take a break or something?"  
  
Joey put down his tools and smiled. "Okay."  
  
They kissed and hurried to have another quickie, but as they headed into Chandler's bedroom, only the top half of the door opened and Chandler nearly fell down. Joey caught him and explained apologetically that he had accidentally slashed the door in two with a power saw.  
  
Normally Chandler would have been angry, but he just shrugged, and they went inside anyway.  
  
***  
  
While Joey continued with his construction project, Chandler hung out at Central Perk with the others, who were discussing freebie lists.  
  
Rachel explained that she was trying making a deal with Ross "where we each get to pick five celebrities that we can sleep with, and the other one can't get mad."  
  
Ross was patronizing, "Ah, the heart of every healthy relationship. Honesty, respect, and sex with celebrities."  
  
Rachel hit him. "I told him my list: Chris O'Donnell, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Daniel Day Lewis, Sting, and Parker Stevenson. And you know what Ross said when I asked him for his list? Tell them."  
  
Ross cleared his throat. "Well I said that, uh, that kind of thing requires some serious thought. First, I'll divide my prospective candidates into categories..."  
  
Chandler coughed, "What a geek!" Boy was he glad that he ended up with Joey, and not Ross.  
  
Phoebe then introduced everybody to her half-brother Frank Jr. "Oh, Joey's not here! Is he upstairs?"  
  
"Yeah. I told him to come down, but he's probably still building that entertainment center. Come on." The three of them left together.  
  
"So this is Chandler's boyfriend Joey." Phoebe introduced.  
  
"Whoa!" Frank Jr. was impressed. "You mean these are actual gays?" He was kind of young and dense.  
  
"Come on, they're not gonna bite!" She made him shake Joey's hand.  
  
"Hey," Joey said. "Sorry for not coming down, Pheebs. I got kind of involved here." He gestured to his big construction project.  
  
Frank Jr. took pictures. "Wow! I thought gays couldn't do stuff like this."  
  
Chandler tried to smile patiently. "So, do you guys have a lot of big plans?"  
  
"We're gonna connect," Phoebe answered. "You know, bond, and everything."  
  
Frank Jr. added, "Yeah, I was thinking that maybe we could go down to Times Square and pick up some ninja stars. And, oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker."  
  
Chandler observed, "You know, we don't really take advantage of living in the city."  
  
"I know!" Joey answered.  
  
***  
  
After Phoebe and her brother left, Chandler persuaded Joey to take another break. They forgot to close both halves of Chandler's door, however, so when their friends came by the apartment, they could hear them having sex.  
  
Everyone left as soon as they realized.  
  
Monica was alone in her apartment when Chandler came over later, completely casual. "Hey, you got any beer? We're all out over there."  
  
"Worked up a thirst, did you?"  
  
"Yeah, Joey won't stop building that thing. I don't want him to get dehydrated."  
  
"Okay." She handed him some beers from the fridge. "Don't you work him too hard, now."  
  
He shrugged. "I don't even really want that entertainment center--"  
  
"Chandler!" She finally told him what she and the others had walked in on. "If you're gonna be doing stuff like that, at least lock your front door."  
  
He became embarrassed. "You couldn't actually see us, could you?"  
  
"No, and I wasn't trying to. But trust me, hearing you shout, 'Nail me! Nail me like a hammer!' was graphic enough."  
  
Chandler blushed more deeply. "Okay, um, I'll get Joey to fix that door." As he was leaving, he cleared his throat, "And just so you know, he's not always the one doing the nailing."  
  
"I know. I saw you guys on the couch before. Another reason to lock your door."  
  
Chandler winced and exited.  
  
***  
  
Frank Jr. continued to be weird, too weird even for Phoebe. He melted stuff to smell the fumes, then mistook Phoebe and her coworkers at the massage parlor for hookers. They managed to make up, however, and finally felt like siblings.  
  
Joey finished his project and also crudely patched up the door. However, it turned out that the entertainment center was far too big, blocking nearly half of both their bedroom doors.  
  
Chandler couldn't believe it. Maybe he'd distracted Joey too much from the project.  
  
"Wow, it's big. Um, maybe my ruler's wrong."  
  
"Maybe all rulers are wrong," Phoebe mused.  
  
"Cool!" Frank Jr. was impressed. "Hey, I bet I could fit inside that cabinet there." He got into the entertainment center and shut the door. "Wow! I could melt stuff in here all day."  
  
Phoebe coaxed her brother out again and reminded him that he had to go home now.  
  
Chandler suggested to Joey, "Maybe you should saw off that section over there, so it's not so wide."  
  
"Aw, I'm tired now."  
  
Chandler hugged him. "It can wait. Come on, sit down." They sat on the couch but then discovered that Joey had left the lid from a can of varnish there.  
  
"Oops!" Joey said when the lid got stuck to Chandler's pants.  
  
Chandler laughed and everybody decided to leave when they recognized where that laugh was leading to. 


	5. Taking Care of Him

[Note: In this world Chandler never got back together with Janice through the internet, so the last time anybody saw her was in episode 203, TOW Heckles Dies; Chandler was again feeling desperate, but Janice was married and pregnant.  
  
Also in that episode, there was this commentary:  
  
PHOEBE: I miss Janice though. "Hello, Chandler Bing."  
  
RACHEL: "Oh, my, god."  
  
JOEY: "Oh, Chandler, now, now, that's it. There, faster!"]  
  
  
  
  
  
After seeing a Mattress King commercial on TV, Monica went to buy a bed there and suddenly heard a familiar voice. It turned out that Janice was married to Gary, the Mattress King, but they were now in the middle of a divorce because Gary was sleeping with his secretary.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Monica said.  
  
"Yeah, and we have a little girl too, which makes it harder." Janice then asked about Chandler, and Monica wasn't sure how to break it to her.  
  
"Um, he's in a relationship right now. I'm sorry."  
  
"Really? Is she pretty?"  
  
Monica got uncomfortable. "Hey, why think about that stuff, you know? There's plenty of fish in the sea. You should just go and find somebody to have a hot rebound fling with. Like that guy over there!"  
  
"I know, but I miss my Bing-a-ling! Plus, you know Chandler's always breaking up with girls, so it probably won't last. I'm the one he always comes back to. Maybe after they break up, he'll call me again. When you see him, can you tell him I'm getting divorced now?"  
  
"No, Janice, I think they're really serious."  
  
She sighed in disappointment. "All right, all right." Then she hugged Monica and left to meet with her husband about the divorce.  
  
However, Janice couldn't let go of the hope to reunite with Chandler, so she came over to the guys' apartment later.  
  
Joey was shocked. "Janice! Hey, um, how have you been?"  
  
"I'm getting divorced now. Is, um, is Chandler here?" She barged in and looked around the apartment.  
  
"No, he's not."  
  
"Oh. Maybe I should leave him a message. Do you have something to write on?"  
  
"Wait, um, why are you here?"  
  
"Oh, I know he's seeing somebody now. Monica told me when I ran into her. But I just thought I could say hello and see if Chandler's really serious about this girl."  
  
"Girl?" Joey cleared his throat. "Actually, Chandler's dating me."  
  
"What?!" Then she laughed and thought he must be joking.  
  
"No, no! I'm serious." That horrible laugh of hers grated on his nerves.  
  
"Yeah, right! Chandler dating you!"  
  
"He is!"  
  
"Come on, when he was having sex with me--"  
  
"I know, I know! I was on the other side of the wall. I think he is actually bi, if that makes you feel any better."  
  
Janice remained skeptical. "Please! Do you know how uptight Chandler is about his gay dad?"  
  
"Yeah, but with us, he's not like that. Listen, what would it take for you to believe me? Oh!" he snapped his fingers. "You know, when he gets excited and his third nipple gets all sensitive and his face gets all--?" He demonstrated.  
  
Janice gasped and stared at him. "Oh--my--God!"  
  
Joey frowned. "Yeah, I'm sorry to have to break it to you."  
  
She sank down on a chair and couldn't believe it. "My Bing-a-ling? *My* Bing-a-ling?"  
  
"Sorry. He's not yours now."  
  
She swallowed and looked at him. "And you? Joey, I thought you were straight."  
  
"I know, that's what everybody thought, including me. But I love him now."  
  
"You love him?" she was even more shocked.  
  
"Yeah. And I think he loves me. We haven't said it to each other yet. You know how Chandler is."  
  
"I know." She nodded numbly.  
  
Chandler came home then and was shocked to see Janice, but Joey explained what was going on.  
  
"Hey, I'm really sorry about you and Gary," he hugged her sympathetically, but confirmed that yes, he was dating Joey now and they were happy.  
  
Janice apologized for coming and finally rose to leave. "Okay, um, goodbye. Joey, you take care of my Bing-a-ling, okay? I mean, yours now."  
  
They said goodbye and watched her leave.  
  
***  
  
In the middle of the night, Joey lay awake and admired Chandler's naked body. He was visibly gaining weight and looking healthier now, thanks to Joey's nagging him to eat more. Joey kissed Chandler and grabbed his butt.  
  
"Hey!" Chandler woke up. "I'm trying to sleep."  
  
"Sorry. I love this tushie."  
  
Chandler smiled, but pushed Joey's hand away. "Not now, okay? I'm tired."  
  
"Okay." He put his arms around Chandler and sighed. Chandler yawned and fell asleep in his arms.  
  
In the silence, Joey whispered, "I love you" and wished once more that he could get Chandler to quit his job. If Chandler actually liked the job, it would be one thing, but he hated it, so Joey saw no point in Chandler dragging himself into the office every day.  
  
Wanting to show Chandler that he could hold a steady job that could support them both, Joey got a job teaching a Soap Opera Acting Class. How cool was it that Joey, who had never been to college himself, could be teaching a class now?  
  
Joey liked teaching at first, but then one of his students auditioned for the same part that Joey wanted. He tried to sabotage his student, but the kid got the part anyway. Maybe teaching wasn't so fun after all.  
  
***  
  
Thanksgiving Day, while Monica and Ross competed like crazy over the football game, Joey and Chandler celebrated six months as lovers and took every opportunity to tackle each other.  
  
That night, Chandler even invited Joey to go ahead and move into his bedroom.  
  
"You mean it?"  
  
"Sure, we can use your room for storage or something. Or just push the entertainment center completely in front of your door."  
  
Joey laughed and kissed him happily.  
  
***  
  
Then Joey began working at a Christmas tree lot, much to Phoebe's dismay. He also tried to convince Chandler to quit again, but Joey's big speech about doing something you love only inspired Rachel to quit her job as a waitress so that she could get a job in fashion. Gunther was definitely going to miss her.  
  
Rachel ended up with a crappy job making coffee at a small fashion company, but later she got a better job at Bloomingdale's, through a guy named Mark who worked there. Ross immediately suspected ulterior motives. 


	6. Confessions

Joey's sisters were coming over for his birthday party, so Joey and Chandler had to pretend that they weren't a couple. It drove them crazy, especially when Joey's sisters started flirting with Chandler.  
  
"Hey, no, stop that!" Joey scolded.  
  
"What? He's a good guy. You're always saying so." Mary Angela pinched Chandler's butt and made him jump. "I just wanna get closer to your friends."  
  
Chandler ran away, and Joey remained angry. "Well, not this one!"  
  
"Why not this one? He's single, right?"  
  
"No, um, actually he's got somebody now. So you and everybody else lay off him."  
  
"Fine!"  
  
Chandler continued dodging Joey's sisters and finally sneaked away to a storage closet with Joey to talk it over. "Maybe we should just tell them about us."  
  
"You sure?" Joey whispered back. "They'll tell my mom and dad, first thing."  
  
"I know," Chandler answered. "Maybe we should just face up to them now. I mean, how long has it been? Eight months?"  
  
"Yeah. But I don't want to rush you, you know?"  
  
"It's okay, I think I'm ready." He shrugged. "I mean, I love you, and everything."  
  
"You love me?" Joey smiled. It was the first time Chandler had said that to him. "I love you." Joey showed him a really good time in that closet before they straightened their clothes again and finally returned to the party.  
  
So they made their announcement, and Joey's sisters were all shocked. By the next day, the whole Tribbiani family was talking about it, including grandmothers and aunts and uncles. Joey's dad came over to yell at them.  
  
"How could you do this to your mother?"  
  
"I'm not doing it to her! I love Chandler, and he loves me!"  
  
"I knew you should never have gone into acting. I should have known that you kissing that guy in that movie would affect you somehow!"  
  
"That has nothing to do with it. We were together before that."  
  
"Before that?! How long has this been going on?"  
  
"Eight months." Chandler hid behind Joey.  
  
"Eight months! Give me a heart attack, why don't ya?"  
  
"Come on, Dad! It's not so bad. You always wanted me to settle down with somebody. So Chandler's not a girl. He makes me happy."  
  
"Ah, geez! My only son! It can't be."  
  
"Come on," Joey insisted. "Maybe you don't like this, but you gotta accept it. I had to accept you having a mistress, and I still don't like that!"  
  
"Hey!" He got defensive, but saw his son's point. He sat down with a sigh. "All right, fine. I can't help loving both your mom and Ronnie. I guess you can't help this either. It's just... you're my son. You're my Joey Jr. I thought you'd get married and carry on the Tribbiani name."  
  
"With the way I was going through women, did you think I really was ever gonna settle down?" he asked. "Look, you already got plenty of grandkids from my sisters. Ask one of them to change their name or something."  
  
Joey Sr. got up and shrugged. "I'll try to explain this to your mom... without mentioning Ronnie. Your mom may accept it, but she still wants to pretend she doesn't know."  
  
Joey and his dad exchanged strained goodbyes, then Mr. Tribbiani left them alone again.  
  
Chandler was relieved. "You okay?"  
  
Joey laid his head on Chandler's shoulder. "I don't know. Maybe we should've warmed up first by telling your parents."  
  
Chandler hugged him tight and kissed his forehead. "My brave Joey."  
  
***  
  
The guys told Chandler's parents soon enough. He called each of them over the phone while Joey sat with him for moral support.  
  
"Hi. Mom, do you remember my roommate Joey? No, no, that was Ross you kissed, not Joey. Yeah, yeah, Ross is fine--just, just listen! I want to tell you that Joey and I are, um, in love. That's what I said. Yeah, as in lovers, boyfriends, whatever. Anyway, we've been dating for a while, and I thought I should tell you... What? Yeah, I'm telling you before Dad. Very funny, Mom!" She had suggested that Chandler go join his dad in Vegas. "What? Yes, I'm sure I love him. I'm sure! Yes, yes, I'm glad I don't have a wife and kids to abandon and traumatize. Okay, bye."  
  
Chandler hung up finally and moved on to his dad, whom he hadn't spoken to for years. He was nervous to announce something this important after such a long silence between them.  
  
Someone else answered the phone, and after some waiting, Chandler's father finally came to the phone. "Hi, Dad. Yeah, I'm sorry I interrupted... Oh, if you don't have time now, I can call back later. Yeah, I mean it. Okay, in half an hour, then."  
  
Chandler hung up and told Joey, "They're doing a show now. I'll call him back during intermission."  
  
"Okay. Try to relax." Joey rubbed Chandler's tense shoulders.  
  
"He said he really wants to talk to me, and he really misses me."  
  
"Of course he does! He's your dad. How long has it been?"  
  
"Um, I guess since college."  
  
"Really?" Joey was surprised. "That long?"  
  
Chandler looked guilty. "Yeah. He's tried to contact me before, but I never returned his phone calls or answered his letters, so I guess he took the hint."  
  
"You should make up with him. Maybe we should go to Vegas and let you guys catch up."  
  
"I'm not sure about that."  
  
"Well, think about it, at least."  
  
Chandler shrugged and looked at his feet.  
  
"You still got any of his letters?"  
  
He nodded and told Joey where he kept them in the back of the closet. Joey got them out and read them over with Chandler while they waited.  
  
At intermission, Chandler called again. "Hello? Dad, yeah, it's me. I know. It's good to hear your voice too. I'm sorry it's been so long. Yeah, I do want us to have a better relationship. But wait, I didn't just call about that. I want to tell you something first. There's this guy who lives with me. You don't know him; his name's Joey Tribbiani. Well, he's been my roommate for years and now I'm--I'm in love with him. No, I mean it. It's not some joke. Yeah, I've told him, and we've actually been together for about eight months. He's with me right now, in fact." Then Chandler smiled, surprised by the warmth from his father, despite all the distance between them. "Thanks, Dad. Joey, he said he hopes we're very happy. What? Okay. Joey, you want to talk to him?"  
  
"Okay!" Joey took the phone. "Hey, Mr. Bing! I'm Joey. Well, I've heard a little bit about you, but I only met Chandler's mom. Okay, um, I'm an actor. I was Dr. Drake Ramoray on *Days of Our Lives*... Oh, wait, what am I doing? You should be talking to your son!" He handed the phone back with the warning, "Hurry up, before intermission's over!"  
  
Chandler talked with his dad for as long as they could, then when intermission came to an end, he promised to call again, and to also email a picture of him and Joey. Chandler felt a lot closer to his dad than he had felt in a long time, and now Joey's idea of a visit to Vegas didn't sound so bad after all. Maybe they *would* eventually visit, after Chandler and his dad got to know each other again. 


	7. Jealousy

Meanwhile, a streak of relationship trouble hit the gang all at once. Unable to choose, Phoebe dated both Vince the fireman and Jason the schoolteacher, until they found out about each other and she lost both.  
  
Ross continued being jealous about Rachel's co-worker Mark, and Rachel got jealous about Ross spending time with a stripper whose son had a play date with Ben.  
  
Monica ran into Richard and tried to be just friends with him, but they ended up naked friends. Richard had a blind date which she insisted he keep, but she still got jealous about it and realized that they couldn't be just friends; she and Richard broke up again.  
  
Then at Central Perk, Joey ran into an old girlfriend of his, who seemed pretty angry at him. He dodged her behind the coat rack, and afterward the gang questioned him about it at Monica's apartment.  
  
"That was Ginger," he said.  
  
"The movie star," Monica sang.  
  
"So did you sleep with her and never call?" Rachel guessed.  
  
"I wish. It's like the most awful, horrible thing I've ever done my whole life."  
  
They naturally clamored to hear more.  
  
Joey reluctantly explained that four years ago, he and Ginger had spent the weekend in her dad's cabin. Joey cooked her a romantic meal, then they fell asleep in front of the fire. When he woke up later, he mistakenly threw Ginger's artificial leg on the fire, thinking it was a log.  
  
They gasped, and Monica asked, "What did you do after you threw her leg on the fire?"  
  
"I ran! I told you it was the worst thing I ever did."  
  
Unlike the others, Chandler had yet to react to the story, and when he finally did, he focused on a seemingly minor detail. "You cooked Ginger a romantic dinner?" he asked quietly.  
  
Joey turned to him and realized that he shouldn't have mentioned the dinner. "Oh, um, that--that wasn't anything."  
  
The gang looked confused and didn't see what the big deal was.  
  
"You *cooked* for her?" Chandler pouted, remembering his first official date with Joey, not long after they first slept together. Joey had cooked for Chandler, and made him feel like more than a casual fling. "So it wasn't just me you did that for? I wasn't special?"  
  
"No, you're special!" Joey answered, taking hold of both his hands. "You are. I love you."  
  
The gang backed away from them uncomfortably, not sure how serious this apparent rift would become between them. They huddled in the kitchen, torn between leaving the apartment entirely or staying to satisfy their curiosity.  
  
"How many other girls did you cook for?" Chandler asked. He had long ago made peace with Joey's rampant sexual history, but the idea that Joey had cooked for girls as indiscriminately as he had sex with them really bothered Chandler. "Did you lie about your mom thinking that you were settling down?"  
  
"No!" Joey insisted. "Come on, you've lived with me; when have there been pots and pans in the sink? I never go to that much trouble for a girl, and for you was the only time I ever had to borrow kitchen stuff from my mom. See, I only cooked for Ginger cause we were away in a cabin and couldn't get food delivered. Really, I just reheated some leftover lasagna my mom had made for me."  
  
"Did you have wine and candles?" Chandler sulked.  
  
"Chandler!" Joey felt the presence of their friends and decided to have this conversation in private. He cleared his throat and pulled Chandler with him back into their apartment.  
  
When they were alone, Chandler sighed and kicked at the carpet. "I guess you think I'm nuts to be upset about a dinner."  
  
"No," Joey answered. "Remember when I moved out and Eddie moved in here? He made some eggs for you, and I got all jealous about you liking his eggs better than mine."  
  
Chandler met Joey's eyes and felt a little better. "So you understand."  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah, that fight wasn't about just eggs, and this one isn't just about cooking or candles." He held Chandler's hands again and shrugged. "So I heated up some stuff for Ginger once. Does that mean anything? No. But when I cooked you that dinner on our first date, it did mean something, because it was for you. I wasn't just trying to seduce you like all those chicks before. I wanted to do that to take care of you, to show you how I feel. You know I love you."  
  
Chandler thought it over and finally whispered. "I know." He hugged Joey and kissed him. "And you know," he said, "I was just using Eddie's eggs to make you jealous."  
  
They laughed softly and started to go to bed, but Joey paused and called through the door, "We're okay!"  
  
Their friends, who were eavesdropping in the hallway, murmured their relief and said goodnight.  
  
***  
  
When they were in bed that night Chandler realized something. "Hey, Ginger has an artificial leg. I have a third nipple. Do you like physical abnormalities?"  
  
Joey chuckled. "I'd still like you without a nubbin, but let's just say it's like that girl from the Xerox place with the belly button ring. Something extra to play with." 


	8. Trauma and Troubles

Over the next few days, Joey and Chandler started thinking about getting something pierced or tattooed as well, so they went to the copy shop to ask Chloe about her belly button ring. She invited them to a nightclub, but in a somewhat ambiguous way.  
  
The guys thought about her comment and discussed whether having a threesome with her would be a bad thing. It turned out to be a moot point, however, because at the club, Chloe was really boring and turned out to dig Ross, of all people.  
  
Ross unexpectedly showed up at the club too, after a big fight with Rachel on their anniversary night. Though Joey and Chandler tried to talk Ross into going home and making up with Rachel, or at least calling her, Ross did a very stupid thing and slept with Chloe that night.  
  
Rachel found out about in the morning and changed her mind about getting back together with Ross after all. It was horrible.  
  
***  
  
The bitter breakup was hard on the whole gang, but Chandler in particular looked the most stressed out. Monica and Richard broke up; Ross and Rachel broke up; would he and Joey break up someday too?  
  
"No way," Joey told him. "That's not us. Calm down." He hugged Chandler close and then smelled a strange odor. "What is that? Smoke?"  
  
Chandler admitted that he had started smoking again.  
  
"Not again! How could you?"  
  
"Hey, I need this! You don't know what I'm going through. I'm telling you, this is just like my parents' divorce, when I started smoking in the first place."  
  
Joey tried to take the cigarettes from him, but Chandler pulled away and locked himself in the bathroom where he lit up. Joey didn't want to start a fight, so he sighed and just concentrated on Chandler's current insecurity about their relationship.  
  
"Come out, Chandler! Come on. Fine, keep the cigarettes for now. Look, if you're gonna smoke, let's make out at least and give you an excuse for it. Huh?"  
  
Chandler eventually unlocked the door, and returned to their bed, with breath spray, but the sex made him feel only temporarily better. He still smoked his cigarettes anxiously while Ross and Rachel's nasty feuding continued.  
  
The gang didn't like Chandler smoking either when they found out, and they forced him to smoke on the balcony or at the window, away from everybody.  
  
Chandler said that he couldn't help it; smoking, and using humor as a defense mechanism, were the only things that helped him cope with his parents' divorce.  
  
"Weren't you nine?" Monica asked.  
  
"No, nine was when my parents started having secret orgies behind each other's backs. Eleven was when they decided to divorce and ruin Thanksgiving for me forever!"  
  
After Phoebe lectured them, Ross and Rachel slowly learned how to get along again, for the sake of harmony in the group. That helped calm Chandler down, but he found it harder to quit smoking this time. Joey couldn't take the smell anymore and started sleeping in his old bedroom, saying that he'd come back as soon as the nicotine gum or the patch worked.  
  
To speed things up, Rachel gave Chandler a stop-smoking hypnosis tape to play whenever he slept. The tape worked, but had side-effects.  
  
Joey was puzzled by the weird way Chandler was acting lately, but then he discovered what was wrong when he passed by Chandler's room one night on the way to the bathroom. The hypnosis tape kept repeating "You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke."  
  
Joey turned off the tape and crawled into bed with him. He kissed Chandler as he slept and whispered in his ear, "You love Joey, and he loves you. You don't have to worry anymore. Or smoke." 


	9. So In Love

Soon Joey and Chandler were happy again, and smoke-free.  
  
Phoebe learned that Frank Jr. was engaged to his Home Economics teacher Alice Knight, and she tried to break them up, but they were too much in love to listen to her. Monica met an eccentric millionaire named Pete Becker at the 50s diner and they started dating.  
  
Then Joey starred in new play, and he hoped again that his career would take off, so that maybe Chandler would finally quit his job.  
  
Chandler helped Joey rehearse his lines as usual, but Joey kept stopping to ask questions about the over-intellectual comments made by the director of the play, Marshall Townend. "He's supposed to be brilliant or something, and he kept giving me these weird instructions and using long words. And, oh, his girlfriend is my co-star, Kate. She went to Yale drama, and she's mean."  
  
"Mean?"  
  
Joey nodded. "Yeah, she used college words too, and then she recognized me from the Milk Master 2000 infomercial and made fun of me in front of the whole cast."  
  
"Ah, Joey!" Chandler rubbed his arm and kissed him.  
  
Joey sighed. "It kinda makes me wonder..."  
  
"Wonder what?"  
  
He shrugged. "Whether I'm smart enough for you, Chandler."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Yeah, 'cause you went to college, and I didn't. You're always making jokes that go over my head. If we were just strangers, would you make fun of me like Kate does and think I'm stupid?"  
  
"No way, Joey!"  
  
"No, be honest. I'm not just the hot, dumb guy you're screwing, am I?"  
  
"Come on! So you didn't go to college. So you don't read books. That doesn't mean you're not smart, Joe. I mean, you were smart enough to know what you wanted to do with your life, and go for it. I wasn't smart enough to do that! I just plodded along in college with everybody else, learning all the dumb junk that I'd never need in real life. I still don't know what I want to do for a living, you know? All I know is I want you, Joey. Just you. Come on, my sarcasm and wisecracks didn't do me any good with all those dates I chased away, right? Do you know how stupid I felt night after night alone? I love you just the way you are, Joey. I love you!"  
  
Joey felt better, and they tossed aside the scripts to make out on their couch. After a while, Joey stopped and got up.  
  
"Hey!" Chandler protested.  
  
"Just locking the door."  
  
"Oh yeah." He laughed, and welcomed Joey back to the couch.  
  
***  
  
Chandler came with Joey to the rehearsals the next day, and everybody at the theatre was surprised that Joey had a boyfriend, let alone a witty and sophisticated one.  
  
"So, Townend. That's a weird name. Isn't it usually Townsend?" Chandler laughed. "You didn't just take the 's' out of Townsend so that you could sound pretentious and exotic, did you?"  
  
Without being obnoxious, he cleverly skewered both Marshall and Kate, whenever they said anything condescending to Joey. For once, Chandler was the one coming to Joey's rescue, and Joey liked it.  
  
During the breaks, they kissed sincerely, and put to rest all suspicions that Chandler was just a smart friend helping Joey impress people. The guys were obviously in love.  
  
Some of the cast commented to each other, "Wow! If he's gay, he's a good actor when he does those stage kisses with Kate." They had new-found respect for him.  
  
"Hey, Chandler," Joey hugged him. "Maybe you should be a writer. Make a funny play or something out of all your jokes."  
  
"Not a bad idea. You're so smart, Joey." 


	10. Sweet Success

[As you will see, I'm removing certain nonsensical plots, including Pete's Ultimate Fighting Championship obsession, and the weird space-ship ending of Joey's play. I also occasionally alter events or substitute plots from later seasons.  
  
Another sequel will follow this story to tie up remaining loose ends.]  
  
  
  
  
  
Ross and Rachel were still apart, and always trying to make each other jealous. Chandler offered to set Rachel up with a guy from his office, but his typical denseness with male-female relationships caused him to tell the guy that Rachel just wanted a fling.  
  
Rachel got mad, even when Chandler tried to fix things and tell the guy that Rachel wanted a serious relationship. So Chandler wisely decided to back off from matchmaking.  
  
Phoebe and Monica fought over a dollhouse, and Ross needed help identifying and removing the weird "thing" growing on his butt, which Phoebe's herbalist called a "kunda."  
  
Joey and Chandler got a pet chick, and fought about it, but then they got a duck too and grew attached to the birds. Taking care of the birds was yet another excuse for Chandler to think about quitting his job and letting Joey support him.  
  
Chandler thought about what he'd like to write if he were home all day. Maybe a play, like Joey suggested, or maybe a newspaper column with sarcastic observations about life? Hey, maybe he should write for a witty magazine like *The New Yorker*! Chandler wasn't sure where to start, but at least now he had a dream, something to get motivated about.  
  
That night, he and Joey celebrated their anniversary with another romantic dinner at home. "Wow! A whole year." Chandler chuckled. "What's next? We get married?"  
  
Joey smiled. "Maybe Monica could cater."  
  
"Ha, ha! Just like Carol and Susan's wedding."  
  
"I bet your mom and dad would agree to not fight for just that day."  
  
"I doubt it. He upstaged her at her third wedding by wearing a back-less dress."  
  
"I'm surprised she invited him."  
  
Chandler shrugged. "It was a joke invitation, to brag about her hot groom. She never thought he'd come."  
  
Joey laughed at Chandler's twisted family, before he remembered his own family's dysfunction and frowned. "Huh. If we did have a wedding, my dad might ask me to invite his mistress. Ronnie's nice and everything, but I wish he'd stop seeing her already."  
  
Chandler nodded understandingly. "Parents. You can't tell them what to do."  
  
Joey nodded back and sighed.  
  
"Come on, cheer up. This is our anniversary." He kissed Joey coaxingly.  
  
Joey smiled and pulled him closer, nibbling on his ear. Chandler responded by unbuttoning Joey's shirt, and they gave up on any further conversation that night.  
  
***  
  
Pete surprised Monica with the announcement that he had bought a restaurant, and wanted to hire her as head chef. She was hesitant to accept, since she wasn't attracted to Pete, and believed that he just wanted an excuse to get closer to her. However, she unexpectedly discovered feelings for him and accepted the job offer.  
  
On opening night, Joey's play was a hit, and Joey actually got good reviews for his serious, dramatic performance. The gang celebrated by taking him out to dinner and buying copies of newspapers all over town.  
  
When they came home, Chandler starting clipping out the reviews and framing them.  
  
Joey smiled proudly. "Hey, Chandler, the producer even said we might last a few months, and maybe even move to Broadway later."  
  
"That's so great!"  
  
"Hey, um, you know, if you quit your job, then you and me can be together during the day, and, and you can stay home and write when I'm at the theatre." Joey looked hopeful.  
  
Chandler shrugged, then smiled. "Okay," he said softly.  
  
"Okay? Really?"  
  
"Yeah, I mean it! I'm quitting tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah, baby!"  
  
They kissed and hugged excitedly. The chick started chirping and the duck quacked. They laughed and were happy. 


End file.
